RvB: Heterosexual Life Partners
by Brovenger
Summary: York and South set out to wake up Wash and Maine so they can prepare for a meeting. It ain't a pretty sight, what they find. Luckily someone left a house lying about, just waiting to be used!


**A/N: I fucking love Wash and Maine. 3

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South Dakota and York stood in the middle of the room, staring down at the king sized bed. York had his arms crossed over his chest and South's were placed on her hips. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes. On the bed were Washington and Maine, still passed out from the previous nights activities. Maine was clad in a white t-shirt and a pair of briefs, while Wash was sporting a pair of grey boxers. Maine was flat on his back, one arms outstretched and hanging off the side of the bed. Wash was lying flat on his stomach, his head buried underneath a pillow with his left arm slung across Maine's chest. All in all, it wasn't a pretty sight for South.

"I think he spends more time without clothes on with Maine than he does with me," she mumbled.

York chuckled, walking around the room and looking for the perfect item with which to wake the pair up. "You just don't get it," he said, locating a rubber hose.

"Get _what?_" she asked, throwing her arms up.

"What it's like when you have two guys who are literally the best friends in the history of the universe."

South raised an eyebrow, regarding him suspiciously.

York sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to explain. "You _can't_ understand, because you're a woman. Women can't be friends like two guys can, they're too bitchy."

South's eye was beginning to twitch ever so slightly, her fingers brushed up against the pistol on her hip. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"I just mean…." York let out an annoyed sigh as he hooked the hose up to the faucet in the bathroom. "When two guys are really good friends like Maine and Wash are, it's the type of the bond that's even stronger than two brothers."

"Women can have that!" South snapped, gawking at the implication that for some reason women couldn't trust each another enough to be friends.

"No, you can't," he insisted, stepping out of the bathroom. "Women always have some other agenda going on. I mean sure, they can be friends for a while, but _something_ will always make them be bitchy and backstab at one point or another."

"And men don't fight with one another?"

"Sure we do, but it involves actual fighting. Broken bones, bruises, blood, and then we finish it all off with a cigar and a cold beer. Women always have to be sneaky and plays games and shit, they can't ever be direct."

"You are such a pig."

York shrugged, turning the water on in the sink.

"So, what about you, you ever had a friend like that?"

"I guess. If Delta had an actual body we'd probably be up to the things."

Delta's avatar flashed into existence between the two of them. _"York, if I must be honest, I reject the notion that the two of us would end up like…"_ he turned towards the two, half naked grown men that were now snuggling on the bed, both imagining that the other was some hot chick they'd picked up the night before.

"…_that."_

York scratched his chin for a moment. "Yeah, good point." He aimed the hose at the bed and squeezed the trigger, dousing its occupants in a hard torrent of ice cold water.

"Damn it Wash, what did I tell you about drinking so much before you go to sleep?" Maine snapped as he was shocked awake. Wash opened his eyes, glared at him and pushed him off the bed.

"You guys are pathetic…." South mumbled, watching as the two of them ran around the room, trying to avoid York's relentless water attack.

"Okay, we're awake, you can stop it now!" They both yelled, standing in the corner by the window, shielding their faces with their arms.

"I know, but you guys smell like beer and stripper boobs, I'm trying to get rid of that," York said, turning the hose up even higher.

"God, you're such a dick!" Wash exclaimed over the sound of rushing water. York put his hand to his ear, leaning in.

"What did you say? I have a really big-" his sentence was cut short by Maine throwing a lamp at him. He ducked, causing the object to fly over his head and collide into the wall across the room. He took the hint and shut the hose off before one of them happened to reach the grenade belt hanging off the chair a few feet away.

"Come on, we have a meeting in an hour, you guys need to get up and start looking decent," South said, throwing them both bath towels. "Hit the showers, you stinky dogs."

"First!" they both yelled at the same time, which was followed closely by a "fuck!" as they took off for the bathroom. Maine got there first by pushing Washington into the wall and slamming the bathroom shut behind him. Wash kicked the door in frustration.

"You fucking jackass!" he snapped. "This is **my** room!"

"Technically it's my room," South interjected.

The door opened up and Maine's blonde head popped out. "Good point. South, would you like to join me? I might need some help with some 'hard-to-reach' areas….if you catch my-"

Maine was interrupted by Washington punching him squarely in the face. He fell backwards, but was grabbed roughly by the hair before he was able to hit the floor. Wash then dragged his friend out of the room by his hair and tossed him roughly into the hallway outside. Naked, cold, and soaking wet.

Maine had burst out into a fit of laughter, he stood up and wiped a tear from his eye. "I love you too, man!" he exclaimed, banging on the door a couple of times.

"_I suggest you put some clothes on before someone reports you again," Sigma said._

"_Ah, they're just jealous of my metro sexual good looks," he said, waving a hand in dismissal and heading off down the hall back to his own room as South's voice echoed throughout the building as she chewed Washington out for being an idiotic asshole._


End file.
